My life is truly blessed. Most of the time it's really hard, stressful, and chaotic but above all very blessed.
Sometimes I look back at myself before I had children. I think about all of my ideas about motherhood.
How I would keep my house clean with chore charts and rotating cleaning schedules.
How I would successfully discipline my children.
How I would meal plan and cook for my family.
How I would fit in exercise and date nights with Bryce.
How easy and fun breastfeeding would be.
On and on and on my ideas and dreams went. I think about what I thought I knew back then and... I laugh at my oh so innocent and naive self.
Now I realize that the pregnant girl who thought she knew something has become the mother who knows nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
And it feels like I've been freed. I used to think that I had spent my life up until having children learning what I needed to know to be a good mother. Now I know the truth. Motherhood IS the ultimate teacher of how to be a good mother. I feel like a ball of mushy clay, without true form or beauty, and my kids are literally smacking and pounding me into the mother I need to be.
Bryce's grandpa, one of the wisest men I have ever known, used to tell me that I was the perfect wife for Bryce and that I was the perfect mother for my children. I didn't feel like i was perfect, far from it. Yet he would repeat this "you are the perfect for yours" saying to everyone.
Now I get it.
I am the perfect mother for my children, not anyone else's children, but perfect for mine.
Maybe it's social networking that gave me this false idea of what a mother looks like. Of what I should look like. But I'm not "that" mother. I am myself, and I'm finally discovering what that looks like and being completely ok with it. No guilt trips. No regrets. I am just who I am. Not only that, but other mothers are who they are and I want to applaud them.
Mothering is not longer a competition. We do things differently. There isn't one mold for us. If God intended us to all be the same, he wouldn't have made us so different, given us different strengths and different interests. We are who we are.
I know I've heard all this before. I may have even believed it. But it's different now that I KNOW it. I know it deep in my heart. I feel it so strongly that I can't help but be in awe of the complete truth in it. I am me, a mother unique and imperfect, who knows nothing about mothering.
I absolutely cannot do this alone. I need help all the time. Physical and emotional help from love ones. But mostly help from God.
I pray different when I know nothing. I pray because I HAVE to pray, not because I have to. If I don't pray my twins might light my house on fire while I'm feeding the baby or I may lose my temper and throw them through a window. I pray because I desperately need all my children to be asleep at the same time so I can take a power nap. I pray for sanity, patience, and to get through each day, one at a time. I pray that God will keep my mothering lessons simple and not give me too many at one time. I pray for my sweet husband so he can put up with my eye-twitching-crazy-sauce self at the end of the day and to have patience with me as he tries, often without success, to arouse me from my cave woman slumber at night to feed the baby.
I think these are the reasons God sent me 3 children in two years. I am an independent, stubborn, "smart" woman and things have always come easily to me. He knew that in order to teach me about true motherhood he had to break me. I feel that broken heart and contrite spirit in a way I never have before.
And it is wonderful. I love knowing nothing. I love discovering and accepting myself. I love my life. I love being a mother.
Monday, June 17, 2013
To the best Daddy ever!
What can I say. My boys and I are so incredibly blessed to have Bryce as a husband and Father. We had a lot of fun celebrating his special day. We started out our day with our traditional Fancy Father's Day muffins. This year we had peanut butter muffins with cinnamon sugar topping. Mmm...
The boys were so excited to present the gifts they made. They proudly presented their handprints yelling "made it"! As soon as Bryce opened it, they took them away as their own and tried to eat them.
We also gave daddy a fancy blender jar. Since buying our super cool blender a few months ago, Bryce (mostly Bryce, anyway), has used it 364 times. Making daddy's morning smoothie is probably one of the boys favorite things to do with their dad. Now he can make fancy things!
Bryce works so hard for our family and plays so hard with our family. We are so proud of him going back to school for his master's degree and working full time as an accountant. Our boys love rough housing, wrestling, laughing, and working with their Dad. No matter how tired Bryce may be, or other things he needs to do, he is just the kind of Father who drops everything to get down on the floor and play. The boys adore him and are 100% daddy's little boys. I can't think of any way I could be a prouder mom then if my boys grew up and became just like there Dad.
Speaking of growing up like our dad's, Bryce and I are also very fortunate to have such awesome, spectacular, super hero dad's. They are both amazing, strong, hard working, and family loving men. We love you! The boys painted them each a rock that says "you rock grandpa!"
Happy 2nd birthday boys!
The boys had a great birthday! We started the day at the union station to see the "big trains!" Even though they thought the trains were awesome, they still enjoyed throwing rocks more.
They also got big boy beds this weekend. It has been quite an adventure getting them to go to sleep. They would much rather jump and play with there brother.
We gave them a set of real hot wheels cars. They enjoyed playing and racing them... but mostly crashing and throwing them. I am finding, as i'm becoming greatly out numbered, that boys have a strange fascination with destruction.
We had a fun little party with our family that evening. Liam wanted a chocolate green train cake (yes, he was that specific) and Oliver wanted a yellow one. We also had pizza, there favorite food. They literally ate three pieces each, more then I can eat.
Because of their great love for pizza, we took them to a pizza buffet the night before. Our favorite moment was when we asked Liam if he wanted a bite of chocolate pizza (two of his favorite things). He answered with a loud gasp of delight.
They have really enjoyed playing with all their birthday gifts from family. Thanks everyone for lovin on our boys and celebrating two great years of awesomeness! I can't imagine my life without our sweet boys. It has been some of the most challenging and most joyful years of Bryce and my life. We are truly blessed.
"It's a motorcycle!" face.
Measuring in at 22 lbs and 2ft 8in tall.... Birthday boy Oliver!
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Petting farm
Thank you Grandma Shreeve for taking us to the petting farm! We had such a great time.
The boys were typical boys and quickly picked out there favorite things to do at the farm. These included (in no specific order) chasing the chickens, throwing rocks in the little pond, getting as much animal slobber and dirt on them ad possible, and climbing on the big tractors.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
February food trials and... errors.
Just in case you don't read til the end, I'm asking my questions first. I really really REALLY would love some input...
Question 1: How, when, and where do you like to grocery shop?
Question 2: Do you have any easy healthy snack ideas?
Question 3: Does anyone have an easy whole wheat bread recipe they love?
Thanks family and friends! Sorry about the backward post, now on to the story telling...
(btw, I decided I can insert random pictures that have nothing to do with my post as long as they include cute babies!)
So, here's the scoop on my healthy food change goals for last month. The goal was to refine my grocery shopping, label reading, and meal planning. Thanks for reading my journal/blog about this stuff. It helps me feel accountable, all you invisible people who may or may not be reading this... Oooo, mysterious.
Grocery shopping:
The first week of the month I went shopping for the ENTIRE month including staples and our freezer meals. I have done this for a few months and I'm hating it more all the time. It's nice to get it done and out of the way but I have a couple qualms: the expirience stresses me out, i'm in too much of a hurry to care about quality or cost, i always miss something and have to go back, i'm too small to push all that food, and I almost throw up every time I see the cost at checkout. Bleh!
So this week I just got enough groceries for this weeks meals, produce, and staples. *sigh of relief* Much better. I tried to focus on getting foods that didn't contain ingredients I couldn't pronounce or know what they were. I got organic as often as I had that option. It makes me feel really good to look at my winnings!
Bryce on the other hand was not so happy. Not mad, I don't think that emotion has ever crossed Bryce's sweet countenance, but not very happy. While discussing the cost differences of these two shopping methods, this conversation ensued.
Bryce-"but we can't eat anything you bought. You got garbanzo beans, a bunch of zucchini and kale and other green stuff."
Jenn-"that's cilantro. They're all part of meals, we'll eat just fine."
Bryce-"what meals are we having?"
Jenn-"tomorrow we're having mini Shepard pies."
Bryce-"Does that have meat in it?"
Apparently by "eat" he meant he can't eat any of this plant based stuff. Lol! Poor Bryce... This adjusting thing to a new kind of eating is hard on him. But good for him, right?!
Meal planning:
So, I want to say outright that there are many things I hate, but on the top of that list would have to be:
1-shopping 2-cooking. The only thing I may hate more then these things is baking. Bleh. If you want to see someone run in and out of a store, or avoid them all together, it's me. Yet, I really value home cooked meals and eating at home as a family. So... I have found the most wonderful way to cook as little as possible with the most benefits. Freezer cooking!
I love freezer cooking! This month I have figured out I just CANNOT cook a months worth of food in one day. Instead, I still use the recipes from onceamonthmom.com but I only cook them one at a time. I make the meal in massive bulk, producing four meals, freezing three, then eating one portion the night I make it. Doing this, I only cook twice a week. You heard me right, twice. We have diner at home six days a week, two I actually cook and four I grab from the freezer. Since I'm freezing 6 meals a week, I now have a nice stash of about 28 meals ready to go. They last 3-6 months so we don't repeat a meal for about a month.
The picture above was yummy zucchini burgers which were served with cheese and marinara on a seseme seed bun...mmmm
I love the labels once a month provides for prep instructions. I use gallon freezer bags or aluminum dishes I get 3/$1 at dollar tree. Yay for dollar tree!
I also spend one day, about 45 minutes, to cook, blend, and freeze baby food. I'm trying to do one new fruit and one new veggie a week. My baby food cookbook makes it so easy because the recipes are divided by months. Together, my boys go through about an ice cube tray a day.
(Another random photo. It took us a while to get it, but Bryce and I still laugh about this one)
Next month!
Goal: figure out how and where I really want to groccery shop, healthy snacks, and make a few bulk mixes from this AWESOME cookbook my mother-in-law let me borrow! (thanks Susan!) Wish us luck!
Friday, March 2, 2012
8 months old
Long time... No update. Sorry y'all! The boys are just the cutest, happiest babies you'll ever meet. Here are some fun pictures we took for valentine's day for your enjoyment.
The boys are growing fast. They are both around 14lbs. Liam is definitely taking the lead with his weight. I think the reason stems from the fact that Oliver recently hit a very curious stage. He can't focus on eating. He's much more interested in babbling at mom, looking at noises in the room, or poking Liam in the face. I've recently had to stop nursing them at the same time so Oliver isn't so distracted.
The boys have become much more vocal. When Liam wants something he balls his fists, tightens every muscle in his face and arms, and growls lowly. This is a great addition to our meal times.
When Oliver wants something he howls an ear piercing scream and then smiles at you. They both like to gasp when they get excited. Oliver's gasp we call his "raptor call". It's very endearing.
One day Bryce had to come home for lunch because he had both our car keys. This was a happy and unexpected surprise, especially for Oliver. Bryce went to pick him up out of the crib after his nap and Oliver gasped with glee for probably 5 minutes because he was so excited.
The toy swiping has begun. Liam is a little bit more aggressive and likes to take whatever Oliver is playing with. Oliver doesn't seem to mind yet, he'll just grab something new til Liam takes it away too.
The boys and I just finished the illustrated children's Book of Mormon. They LOVED it. Usually I have them both tucked up with me on the couch for personal scripture time. I read and they try and eat the pages. I loved this book. It makes the stories so real. I love the Book of Mormon, the spirit it brings into my life, and the testimony it bears of Jesus Christ. It is fun to share this with my children.
I do have to say, as a side note, that the pictures make this very violent book(yes, the book of mormon is full of A LOT of wars) sometimes too real. But, I guess there's nothing like Ammon dragging a tarp of bloody arms to the king that might spark a small boys curiosity in ancient history, right?
The boys first teeth came in! The same tooth and only two days apart. Liam's came first and then Oliver's. It was... Horrific. For a few days it felt like we were back to when they came home from the hospital. There was much screaming and little sleeping or us all(well, mostly Bryce. I sort of sleep like a rock. A dead and deaf rock). I had a difficult time deciding if I should give them oragel or teething tablets, things others swear by, because I have a friend named google. The FDA apparently warns against the use of both. We ended up giving them Tylenol before bed, thanks to a Facebook reccomendation from my friend Brooke(thank you!), and it worked. Woohoo! Now that that is over, they are just happy as ever. I can't say I'm excited for future teeth to appear.
Last little fun facts, the boys are SO close to sitting up on their own. They love eating solid foods and enjoy trying a new fruit and veggie each week. Their favorites are pears and sweet potatoes. There have been a few they have NOT liked at all. I read that sometimes it takes up to a dozen introductions of a food before they'll take it. I'm determined to do everything I can to avoid pickiness so I just keep forcing it down. So far, it's worked. Usually we have 3-4 sessions of gagging or spitting in mommy's face, then they get over it.
We love being parents! Bryce is just the most amazing father there is. I'm so grateful for all he does. When I had my surgery, Bryce had 5 days off and was on full baby duty. He is amazing and the boys just adore him. I know he really loves being a dad to these cuties too. One of the boys favorite activities is laying on the ground listening to dad play his guitar each morning while I whip up some grub.
Another shout out to my mom, dad, grandma, and siblings for helping when i had to go to the ER at 3am and while I was in the hospital for surgery. I don't know what I would do without you guys, especially you mom. I love you! (If you're curious what my expirience was in the ER watch Brian regan's video about the ER on youtube...It was just like that. Lol).
